random thoughts

I saw some students when i went home late a few days ago and i don't know why but i started to become envious of them. well these students are those who are taking o level or a level papers depending on their age and uniforms. in fact when i stepped out of my school library at 5.30 pm, a senior of mine appeared and happily informed me her papers are all over. i congratulated her. well one thing is for sure, after hearing her and seeing all those in school uniform, i start thinking. one thought or rather feeling that i have will be envy.

Well see, i noe that there's no use to be envious of those taking o level as i have been through it before...the excitement, anticipation, dread, frustration you name it. but for some reason when i saw them that late afternoon, i feel like as if i am in secondary school again, trapped in tat time in which i want to graduate and move up the academic ladder but it seems i am limited by time. i don't noe why, for some reason, while wearing my uniform, i don't feel like i am a college student..rather i am back to secondary school. well i guess my sentiments arise from the fact that for my age, my friends would have graduated and gone into university...while i am still in college. i don't noe why i feel worse than a sec4 student as i feel tat at least, they are graduating while i need 1 more year. the restless feeling keeps nagging at me. and hearing my senior only make me feel worse as i want to feel unburdened too...just for a minute if possible. i guess during school days that will be the case...after psle then o level then a level or poly...but in essence they will try to get into uni...but then for some reason, the uniform i wore on that day feel extra heavy and i can't wait to get home and change.

but once i reach home, i remember something that i always like to say and that will be i don't want to really grow up and want to continue being a student if possible and instantly i feel better. well i also realize one thing after these thinking...i am a contradictory person.