in retrospect

I am glad that 'O'z is finally over. But it seems that it is still haunting me. I cannot shake the uncomfortable feeling that i should study now instead of playing or shopping. And it's very late now, u should at least be at home. Sometimes i even wake up very early thinking i should go to school and that i'm late. i just feel sort of wretched. But i guess this is the effect of concentrating on da goal: the 'o'z for 4 years! Since i entered sec 1, a gnawing feeling...an invisible force that controled me...always lurked somewhere. As years passed by, the feeling just grew stronger and stronger until it became an all consuming fear and anxiety in sec 4. Even the textbooks become my life during the 4 years, but just in a few days, it is not of importance to me. That feeling is just weird. Like jumping from one extreme condition to another radical condition. Like goin from sahara desert to antartica. It is just too sudden. That's why until now i still feel guilty and apprehensive in doing things that i dun usually do in the last 4 years. Even until now i have not gotten rid of the papers and books. They are precious and at the same time useless. i hope i can escape from this dilemma soon.