random thoughts

I saw some students when i went home late a few days ago and i don't know why but i started to become envious of them. well these students are those who are taking o level or a level papers depending on their age and uniforms. in fact when i stepped out of my school library at 5.30 pm, a senior of mine appeared and happily informed me her papers are all over. i congratulated her. well one thing is for sure, after hearing her and seeing all those in school uniform, i start thinking. one thought or rather feeling that i have will be envy.

Well see, i noe that there's no use to be envious of those taking o level as i have been through it before...the excitement, anticipation, dread, frustration you name it. but for some reason when i saw them that late afternoon, i feel like as if i am in secondary school again, trapped in tat time in which i want to graduate and move up the academic ladder but it seems i am limited by time. i don't noe why, for some reason, while wearing my uniform, i don't feel like i am a college student..rather i am back to secondary school. well i guess my sentiments arise from the fact that for my age, my friends would have graduated and gone into university...while i am still in college. i don't noe why i feel worse than a sec4 student as i feel tat at least, they are graduating while i need 1 more year. the restless feeling keeps nagging at me. and hearing my senior only make me feel worse as i want to feel unburdened too...just for a minute if possible. i guess during school days that will be the case...after psle then o level then a level or poly...but in essence they will try to get into uni...but then for some reason, the uniform i wore on that day feel extra heavy and i can't wait to get home and change.

but once i reach home, i remember something that i always like to say and that will be i don't want to really grow up and want to continue being a student if possible and instantly i feel better. well i also realize one thing after these thinking...i am a contradictory person.

musings

I swear that if my blog is made of metal, it would have rusted along ago.
well blame it on my laziness and lack of time.
it seems that overall, this year, time is a more precious element that i have taken for granted in the past. well to start with, time seems to pass by like a flash of lightning.
after having a fun time during the 1st 3 months, i had to face reality that the mid year exam is in 6 months time. and before i can actually recover from the setback of the mid year exam, another calamity looms and that will be the end of year exam which will be in another 3 months time. strange that for everthing the big event seems to happen 'in 3 months time' coupled with many small but very important exams along that '3 months period' i am surprised i didn't crumble at all. well i guess next year will be worse and i am trying to brace myself for the unescapable desctruction and that will be....THE A LEVELS! haha, i noe i sound dramatic but then i really do feel that way. though i am having a suppossed holiday, but in real fact i still feel that i am leading a normal school life except it does feel much freer and more relaxed. for starters i just had chinese a exams and to top it off, i still need to think about pw and the upcoming op. sigh, even after that i think all jc students try to keep their holidays busy. well mine will be taken up by an attachment i had signed up for.
it just feel so different than when i was in primarey or secondary school in which i really had a holiday where i don't think about exams and homework though i have one. and there is no urgency to keep the holiday busy. well i guess as time goes by responsibility also increases and there won't be much relaxing time anymore. to make matters worse, suddenly my body seems to like to sleep a lot when there's so many things to do. in the end i seem to be doing things with a detached mind as i struggled to keep my eyes open. sigh.
but one thing is for sure. this year i learn more about coping with stress.